227 Eating Mindfully at Christmas (Part 2): Finding Food Freedom without the Spiral

Speaker A: 00:00:00

This week is part two of the miniseries I started last week around eating over Christmas. An area which can be really fraught for a lot of us.

A time where we often throw away the rulebook completely, only to regret it once January arrives and we move back into that restriction pattern again. Now, last week was all about what's really going on when the Christmas eating or overeating kicks in.

And a couple of practical things you can start to do now to tackle that.

This week we're going to move on to talk about how to have more freedom around food at Christmas and why offering that to yourself does not mean you're inevitably going to end up spiraling and eating everything in sight, but how it can actually be the start of a brand new relationship with food that you can take into the new year with you as well. And that's going to feel so much calmer and so much more productive.

Welcome to the Busy Woman's Guide to Wellbeing, the podcast for women who are done with the hustle and are ready to feel at home in their own skin. I'm your host, Alix Life, therapeutic and fitness coach for busy women who want to do less, live more, and feel good from the inside out.

Every week I'm going to help you to cut through the noise, challenge the shoulds, and find new ways to live and move that actually feel like you. Welcome back and welcome to part two of this mini series on eating at Christmas.

Now, if you have not listened to last Week's episode yet, episode 226 definitely do that. These episodes absolutely work on their own, but they definitely make a good pair as well.

This week we're gonna move on a little bit because last time it was all about what's really going on when we're overeating at Christmas and how it's not an anomaly or a willpower problem, but usually a reflection of the bigger relationship that we have with food and with our bodies. This week we're gonna move into talking about that bigger picture.

So for many of us, I think we can agree that what we'd really love to get to with food is a place where we feel relaxed around it, where we feel like we are able to trust ourselves to make the best choices, where we don't have to be super vigilant about it all the time, because once we do that, times like Christmas, they stop being such a big problem. They just become part of this upgraded pattern that we have created for ourselves.

And I know that it feels like a really odd time of year to talk about addressing our relationship with food. Because the truth is, a lot of us, we're already probably thinking about giving up till the New year anyway.

Feels like there's very little point in trying to change anything right now, because there's that inevitability around what happens in December. And we start to think, sod it, I'll leave it till the new year, I'll address it then.

But that's kind of the point, because the usual pattern that we go for, where we let go for the entire month of December and restrict in January, is what we want to avoid. And the fact that we take that is read that that's going to happen. That is a huge part of the problem.

So what I really want to do today is I want to challenge that. I want to challenge the idea that there is nothing we can do about it by, by this point, that that stuff is inevitable.

And I want to really show you that we can start to take positive steps. Does it mean that you're going to get to Christmas and you're going to eat mindfully and you'll have sort all of this out?

No, absolutely does not mean that. But what it does mean is that you have already bought into, yeah, I can change this. I want to change this. I'm ready to change this.

And you are bought into, starting to think about it now, and you're starting to look at that in a different way, so that by the time you do get into the New Year, you're not going straight back into restriction, but you are continuing the work that you've already begun over the next few weeks. So, yeah, this is not about miraculously sorting it all out and being completely in control for Christmas, but it's about getting.

Getting to grips with a few of the patterns that are coming up.

And actually, even if all that happens is you just recognize what's going on, you're more mindful of what's going on, you are more aware of those patterns and why they're happening to you. Then that is an amazing start. Because the thing that I always say to people is 80% of this work is awareness.

80% of the work that I do with my coaching clients is awareness. Because we bury a lot of this stuff very deep.

We continue to repeat the same patterns over and over and over again, and we wonder why that's happening. And we blame ourselves.

We blame our lack of willpower, we blame our lack of discipline, whatever it is that we do, whatever are the reasons that we beat ourselves up for that. Where actually it's just that we're not recognizing what's going on underneath all of that.

And as soon as we bring that to the light, we can deal with it.

So like I say, even if all that you do over the next few weeks is you start to recognize a few things, you start to sit back and go, oh, that's interesting that I do that, or it's interesting that I think like that, or I wonder why I'm thinking like that. That is an amazing start.

o do that work and for making: 2026

You're already saying, I am not going to let myself continue with the same patterns that I've continued with every other year. You're going to get curious about what the next few weeks can teach you and it's going to stand you in really good stead for the future.

So let's get into this. And what I really want to highlight today is kind of the irony that is often involved in our conversation about eating with more freedom.

Because we want that for ourselves. We say to ourselves, I want to eat with freedom. I want to feel comfortable around food. I want to feel confident about making the right choices.

But the truth is we don't trust ourselves enough with it. We want to trust ourselves, we don't trust ourselves.

And so we keep ourselves stuck in the loop and we keep ourselves stuck in this fear loop as well, because we buy into this, this notion, I suppose, that eating with more freedom or eating a bit more intuitively means we're inevitably going to end up spiraling and eating all of the things, you know, we think.

I just, I just don't trust myself enough to not go completely awol, to go completely mad, to put on a crapload of weight and end up achieving the complete opposite of what I want to achieve in the first place. Because I believe there is a happy medium between that all out intuitive eating, which very much is.

You just throw caution to the wind and you let your body do whatever it wants to do for a while.

And yes, you might put weight on and the other side of things, which is, no, don't eat, intuitively manage everything that goes into your mouth and lose the weight. I believe there is a meeting point for these two things.

I believe that these things don't have to be separate and that we can be mindful, we can be more intuitive, but we can do it without getting ourselves into that scary place of feeling that we don't have the safety net of tracking control. And of course, you know, I'm always encouraging women to track less because I know it doesn't help us. I don't just think it doesn't help us.

I know it doesn't help us. I know that it holds us back. I know that it keeps us in the same place with the same patterns over and over and over again. I know that for a fact.

But for many of us, it's a safety net.

And the last thing that I want to do is remove your safety net completely and say, hey, just stop weighing yourself, stop tracking everything, stop doing all of these things. Because that just feels terrifying. It doesn't feel empowering. It feels flipping terrifying. We have to go at this a step at a time.

And so that's the fear. And because we stay in that fear, we can never see beyond it.

We know that what we want to achieve is trust, but we don't trust ourselves enough to lean into the trust.

So it becomes this, like, really ironic spiral that we get stuck in where we don't trust ourselves enough to eat with freedom, even though we know it's the key to building what we want for ourselves.

So that's why these dysfunctional patterns really tend to show up at times like Christmas, because we have those fears, we have those patterns, we have those ways of trying to deal with and keep things under control, whatever that might look like for us. And then Christmas happens, we're more relaxed.

We've maybe already bought into the idea that our eating is gonna be out of control anyway, so we might as well just go for it and just throw caution to the wind. Our nervous system is crying out for a break as.

Because we have been trying to manage ourselves so closely for such a long time, and so we lean into the overeating. We know it's going to make us feel crap because it's a pattern we've repeated many, many, many times before.

But the problem is patterns feel safe even though they're not what we want. They feel safe because we've repeated them over and over again. So that's why we stay there. But I think we've already agreed.

We're already agreed, yes, that this year we're ready for something different. And so here's what I want to offer you instead is that freedom does not have to mean you give up completely on structure.

It's not an either or situation. It doesn't have to be an either or situation. It can be if that Feels like the right path for you, but it doesn't have to be.

Freedom also doesn't mean that you're giving up on yourself. The spiral is not inevitable. You've just told yourself it is. Because previously relaxing around food has been a reaction to restriction.

It's become your default response. This time we're doing it differently because this is about actually taking considered approach.

One way you are supporting yourself is and you're finally learning how to trust yourself and your body, because that's where the true freedom lies. So I really want you to hear that. Because we think freedom around food means no structure. It means giving up on ourselves.

It means the spiral is inevitable. But like I say, that's only because our previous experience of that has been restrict, react, restrict, react. We're not reacting this time.

We're thinking about it. We're being measured about it, we're being considered about it.

And we're making sure that we are approaching this in, in the right way, in a different way. And like I said before, the thing about this and about doing it at this time of year is that we're not going straight into fixing mode.

And that's often a mistake that we make. It's often a mistake that I see a lot of my clients make. They have gone into fix mode so many times over. It's the only way they know how to do it.

We're not trying to fix ourselves. And that's why this can actually be an amazing time to do this. Because we are not necessarily wanting to go on a diet in December.

We're not necessarily trying to fix ourselves in December. But what we can do instead is that we can use this as a time of learning, a time of understanding ourselves better.

So how can you start to lean into that trust? How can you start to lean into a bit more freedom around your body at this time of year?

The first thing is consider your usual pattern at this time of year. What is the story that's playing out for you right now?

So, for example, it's inevitable that I'm going to spiral because it's Christmas and I always do. It could be, it's not a problem, I'm going to sort it all out in January.

It could be I deserve to treat myself after the year I've had and simply ask yourself, is that true?

Because we often, these stories that we've played out over and over in our heads, they become the truth and sometimes just need to step back and say, is that true? So, for example, is it inevitable that you are going to spiral?

Or is it something that you have convinced yourself is going to happen because it's become a reaction to restriction? Because it's just a pattern that happens to have played out a lot of times over and over again over the years?

Is it true that you need to leave it to January and you'll sort it out then? Or will telling yourself that become part of the same pattern that you always play out?

Are you just repeating the thing over and over again because it's just what you've done? Or is there a different story here? Is it about you needing to deserve to treat yourself?

Or is it about you deserving to take a moment to explore what you really need? And of course we go for food because it's an easy way of treating ourselves. It's easy, quick, cheap way of doing that.

But do we actually deserve more from ourselves? Do we deserve a moment to explore what we really need? This is not about having the right answer to this question.

It's about being curious about those stories that you keep telling yourself, the ones that you aren't questioning, the ones that are just going around in your head and are keeping you in that loop. This is about being open to the. Being a different answer.

You know, and this is often the start for many of us is taking those things, holding them up to the light and saying, hang on a minute, that maybe it's not as true as I think it is, maybe it's not as helpful as I think it is. It's not forcing yourself to think something different just for the sake of it.

It's actually just being really honest with yourself about how true that actually is. So that's the first thing. Just, just be aware what's my usual pattern this time of year and is it true?

Second, when you do go for the thing you didn't mean to go for, the half a box of celebrations or whatever, instead of sitting there and going, oh my God, why did I eat that? God, I'm so fat and rubbish and useless. God, I've got no willpower. Instead of that, why did I eat that?

Get used to asking yourself, what part of me needed comfort? Or what part of me didn't know how else to get that comfort? This is about saying, what's really going on? What is really going on?

And it could just be, well, of course this has happened. I've been restricting for the last two months.

And so this is just a free for all because of the story that I've told myself that this is inevitable, this is gonna happen. But is there Another part of this that's saying, actually, I needed you to pay some attention to me today. I needed you to do something for me today.

I needed to listen to my needs a bit more closely today. And again, this is not about changing it straight away. It's about asking the question and really listening to the response, not, why did I eat that?

Because I'm a fat pig, Right? We're not doing that. We are not doing that to ourselves.

Often why did I eat that might be because I really wanted it and I enjoyed it, but often it's also because I didn't allow myself any time for me today because I've been focusing on everybody else and not listening to myself. Whatever that is. What is actually going on for you? And then the final thing is to ask what other ways you can look after yourself right now.

Now, I know it's a busy time of year. I know it is. But there will be small ways that you can take a little bit of pressure off that. So delegating, for example.

So, for example, in our house, we've got daughter and a son. I used to do all of the Christmas shopping for both of the kids. Nowadays, no, my husband does my son, I do my daughter.

So I. I mean, I do, obviously, I do buy a couple of things for my son as well and I do do that and help with that. But that's his thing to do. Then I've got my thing to do. So maybe a bit of delegating.

Do you have to invite people to your house and cater for everybody or can you all just go to the pub? Does Christmas dinner have to cook from scratch or can you go and order something from somewhere, like cook?

I've got a friend who does that every year. She just goes, she puts her order in, she gets her Christmas dinner from Cook, and then she does not have to spend the entire day cooking.

Now, I'm lucky my husband cooks Christmas dinner in our house, so I don't get particularly involved in that. He loves doing that.

If you've ever watched Gavin and Stacy, Gavin's dad, if you've ever watched those episodes where he's preparing the Christmas turkey, that's my husband. Every year he's looking for a different way to baste the turkey and do all that. So he loves a bit of that.

So I don't actually have to think about that, which is great. But if you are the one that tends to cook the Christmas dinner, can you say, sod it? This year I'm going to buy it in.

It's going to be pre prepared and I'm not going to have to think about it. What are the things that you can do to make your life a little bit easier? Take the pressure off at this time of year.

Are there some boundaries that need to be put in place? These become fragile at this time of year, particularly with family. What are the boundaries that you need to establish and put in place there?

For example, what's the self care that you could be adding in at this time of year? Book that massage you normally wouldn't get. An early night with a bath and a book. Get out for a daily walk, even if it was just for 10 minutes.

Now don't do all of them. Choose a couple that are most pressing around looking after yourself and around taking the pressure off at this time of year.

Because again, those things are just adding to that feeling of needing that release valve and that release valve becomes the food. So let's look after that nervous system a little bit.

Let's look after ourselves a little bit so that we've got other release valves that don't just involve the chocolate and all of those other lovely things. So those are a few things or three things that you can do. Number one, what's your usual pattern? Is it true? Really simple question to ask yourself.

Really revealing question to ask yourself. Secondly, instead of why did I eat that? And getting an answer that is not very kind to you, ask yourself what part of me needed comfort?

What part of me needed something else right now? Finally, what ways can you look after yourself more right now? What ways can you take the pressure off yourself right now? Choose a couple of things.

Delegating the buying of Christmas presents for one child to your other half. Not inviting everyone to your house, but organizing a pub meetup, getting your Christmas dinner from cook whatever it is.

What are those things you can do to look after yourself?

Because the thing is that this freedom around food, this feeling of being more relaxed around food at this time of year, it's going to feel more safe when it's supported, when it's supported by your nervous system and when you feel like you're actually supporting yourself, asking yourself what do you need? Rather than beating yourself up for all the things you're doing wrong, you want to be supported in this.

So these are the simple steps, simple questions that are going to help you to do that. They're going to help you to reconnect with yourself a little bit. And when you do that, you're going to get some slightly clearer answers.

And when you do that, you're not Having to make a choice between freedom and structure, you get to utilize the best parts of each one. The freedom is listening to your body, listening to your needs.

The structure is asking yourself questions and having a couple of simple strategies to manage your nervous system over the festive period.

And pair this with last week's episode as well, because there were a couple of things there and I don't want you to necessarily do all of this, but just choose the things that feel the most helpful to you right now, put those together, that gives you your structure. And then the freedom is going to be listening to your body, listening to your needs.

And if you want to join me inside the calm and mindful Christmas eating experience, then we're going to work on exactly this. We're going to combine freedom with structure.

We're going to combine trust with strategy so you can enjoy Christmas and everything it has to offer without waking up in the new year having to Google another new year detox. Now, this is a special bonus that is only open to the next few people that sign up to the body you'll love living in before the end of November.

I'm keeping the numbers small, so if you want to not only be part of that experience, but also get to work on your whole relationship with food, your body, your exercise right now, either now or in the new year with that focus one to one support, then get yourself signed up right now. The deadline, if you want in on that bonus, is the 30th of November or whenever I filled the eating experience spots.

Now, I will keep the numbers updated on the website. If I'm running low, it's going to tell you on there, so don't worry. You will know if, if they're about to run out.

And I'm deliberately keeping it small because what I want to do is I want to give each member the support that they really deserve. And I can't do that if I've got a massive group of you. So I'm keeping it really small. So like I say, I've still got a few slots on that.

If you want to join me, join the body of love living in. You'll get this amazing, amazing bonus as well. And we'll sort you out for eating over Christmas.

I'll put the link in the show notes where you can find out about the program and that wonderful bonus as well. And I think we're done here for the week, so I'm gonna love you and leave you and I'll see you back here, here again next time.

Thank you as always for joining me.

If this episode has hit home, share it with another woman who needs to hear it and come connect with me on Instagram at Life Edit with Alix for more real talk, mindset shifts and daily inspiration.